异地恋能有多美好?

【来源龙腾网】

评论原创翻译：

Bala Senthil Kumar, Entrepreneur at Large in Two Countries

If she told me the distance is too hard for her in a long distance relationship does it mean she doesnt love me anymore or is it really the distance?

It means she is calling it off, and doesn't want to be direct, feel bad about it later, or carry the guilt of announcing the break up.

If there are two people in a loving, trusting, caring, sharing relationship, and both care to be in it, if any one has a problem, I would love to think the words will express something along the lines of, "Baby, I hate being so far away from you. I am missing you awfully. Come see me, please!", and both would rush to be in each other's arms. That's love.

If it is a constipated, "This is really hard for me, you know?", it is really saying, "This is inconvenient, and I'd rather let this go and open the door to new possibilities. But you're in the way, and I don't have the courage to call it off, because I know karma is a bitch.

It appears not all of us recognize when a relationship has run its course, distance or no distance. Doesn't mean you can't retrieve, but it takes two who want to run into each other's arms no matter what else. Not two who want to be polite or ask others for advice based on mere symptoms and third party analysis.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder. If love is strong and true and top priority for both that is. But then that kind of love isn't for everyone either.

如果她告诉我，在远距离恋爱中，距离对她来说太难了，这是意味着她不再爱我了，还是真的是因为异地恋的原因？

这意味着她要取消约会，不想直截了当，不想事后为此感到难过，也不想因为宣布分手而感到内疚。

如果两个人在一段充满爱、信任、关心、分享的关系中，而且双方都想参与其中，如果有任何人有问题，我希望这些话能表达这样的意思:“宝贝，我讨厌离你这么远。我非常想念你。请过来看我吧!”于是两人都奔向对方的怀抱—这是爱。

如果它是一个呆滞的状态，“这对我来说真的很难，你知道吗?”它实际上是在说，“这太不方便了，我宁愿让它过去，打开新的可能性的大门。”但你挡了我的路，我没有勇气放弃，因为我知道因果报应很糟糕。

似乎并不是所有人都认识到一段关系已经走到了尽头，不管是不是异地恋。这并不意味着你无法挽回，但这需要两个无论发生什么都想投入到对方怀里的人。不是两个仅仅基于症状和第三方分析而想要礼貌的寻求他人建议的人。

距离使两颗心靠得更近。如果爱是强烈的，真实的，对双方来说都是最重要的。但这种爱也不适合所有人。

Farah Safira, studied Psychology at Universitas Indonesia (2019)

Farah Safira，在印度尼西亚大学学习心理学(2019)

What’s unhealthy:

The unsubstantiated suspicion on your partner

Draw conclusions without at least trying to find out in advance about the actual situation or your partner’s point of view

Not trusting your partner. That they love you, therefore, they wouldn’t do things that would upset you. OR saying you trust them in their face but doesn’t mean it 

Listening to anyone commenting and judging on your relationship instead of having faith on you, your partner, and the relationship

Expect your partner to sacrifice things for you and the relationship meanwhile you refuse to sacrifice yourselves for them and the relationship

More judging than listening

Not respecting your partner’s needs for self-care thus forcing and pushing them to fulfill the needs of the relationship first if not every single time

The long-distance relationship itself isn’t unhealthy. What makes it become unhealthy is how wrongfully you treat yourself, your partner, and both of you within the relationship.

什么是不健康的：

对你伴侣未经证实的怀疑

在不尝试事先了解实际情况或伴侣观点的情况下得出结论

不信任你的伴侣。因为他们爱你，所以他们不会做让你难过的事。或者在他们面前说你信任他们，但不是真心的。

倾听他人对你们关系的评论和评判，而不是对你、你的伴侣和你们的关系有信心。

期待你的伴侣为你和这段关系牺牲一些东西，同时你拒绝为他们和这段关系牺牲自己。

判断多于倾听。

不尊重伴侣对自我照顾的需求，从而迫使和推动他们首先满足关系的需求，如果不是每次都是这样的话。

异地恋本身并不是不健康的。让它变得不健康的是你在关系中对自己、伴侣以及双方的不当对待。

Amer Khwaja, Introvert. Traveler. Photo Artist. Webmaster. Lived awhile.

I’m in a long distance relationship with a guy who lives in America and I live in Japan. He goes to school to be a doctor and he’s been really busy with school and work and he doesn’t have time to talk to me. What can we do to make things work out?

if you really want things to work out, one of you will have to make a big sacrifice and move to be closer to the other one. Otherwise, how long do you plan to continue this? How soon before one of you meets someone who lives a lot closer and decides its better to be with someone they see all the time than someone they rarely see?

我住在日本，和一个住在美国的男人发生异地恋。他上学是为了当医生，他一直忙于学习和工作，没有时间和我说话。我们能做些什么来解决问题？

如果你真的想让事情顺利进行，你们中的一方将不得不做出巨大的牺牲，并向另一方靠近。否则，你打算持续多久？要多久你们中的一个人会遇到一个住得很近的人，并认为和一个经常见面的人在一起比和一个很少见面的人在一起更好?

Rinku Gala, 13 years of experience in Marketing Communications

Rinku Gala, 13年的营销传播经验

I am in one since more than a yr. It's tough but not impossible. LDR works if Love is strong on both ends. Also what do you'll want most in relationship. If it's physically it will definitely break, if you'll working on building a future together then it may work as long as you'll are commited to one an other & share the same goal. If you can't manage please give up earlier the better to save your & his/her time and efforts.

我已经在一年多的时间里处于异地恋了，这很艰难，但并非不可能。如果爱的两端都很强烈，异地恋就会有结果。另外，在你们的关系中，你最想要什么。如果是身体上的接触，它肯定会破裂，如果你们一起努力建设一个未来，那么它可能会有结果—只要你们相互承诺，共享同一个目标。如果你做不到，请尽早放弃，以节省你和他/她的时间和精力。

Victoria August, CEO at Kenner Promotions & Publications

I think that the distance between two people sometimes gives more time to relax, to be themselves, and get to know each other with time between visits to digest what they learn and begin to feel for each other; Without the great expectations to quickly make a decision to commit. When they travel to see each other they know their time is limited so they cherish what they have together as a special treat. 

我认为，两个人之间的距离有时会给他们更多的时间去放松，做自己，在两次探访之间花时间去了解对方，消化他们了解到的东西，并开始感受对方；不用快速做出承诺决定和抱有巨大期望。当他们旅行去看对方时，他们知道自己的时间有限，所以他们珍惜在一起时的特殊待遇。

Prity Roy, B.A from University of Calcutta

普里蒂·罗伊，加尔各答大学学士

Every relationship needs effort , time , communication and love ofcourse . If you both love eachother distance does not matter. I am in a LDR and trust me we are just like normal couples . We miss eachother but we can't meet .we want to hug eachother but we can't .

When I informed my friends about him they said that this relationship won't work but still it's working. He is caring and loving . Physically we are not together but emotionally we are together . He is mature and I am immature .

I am sick he is there for me . He is the first person after my mom asking about my health . He motivates me for everything's . He scold me .Yeah I wait for his phone calls mostly . He is my bestfriend I can share anything with him. He fights with me but end up hugging me . He never ask me about my male friends . My exam he is ready to sacrifice his sleep . He stay busy but never forget to ping me asking about my study . 

当然，每段关系都需要努力、花时间、沟通和爱。如果你们相爱，距离并不重要。我就在异地恋，相信我，我们就像普通夫妻一样。我们彼此思念，却无法相见。我们想拥抱对方，但我们不能。

当我把他的事告诉我的朋友们时，他们说这段关系没有结果，但仍然有效，他充满关怀和爱心。身体上我们没有在一起，但情感上我们在一起。他成熟而我不成熟。

我病了，他在我身边。他是继我妈妈之后第一个问我健康问题的人。他激励我做任何事。他骂我。是的，我大部分时间都在等他的电话。他是我最好的朋友，我可以和他分享任何东西。他和我打架，但最后还是拥抱了我。他从不问我关于男性朋友的事。我的考试他牺牲睡眠给我做准备。他总是很忙，但从不忘记打电话给我询问我的学习情况。

Ann Patrick, B.Sc. Psychology, 22 Years Training in Buddhism + (1949-present)

A long-distance relationship can be a bright spot in our day .. especially if we don’t have much of a life or are not interested in much. It can also give us a dream of a better-future to hang onto. LDRS can be positive during a pandemic lock-down, when we CANNOT get out and live a full life, and when we have NO idea what tomorrow will hold.

But for normal living conditions, they are not very advisable.

First of all, they are not actual relationships. Since 90% of what we grasp about and share between us and another comes NOT from the VERBAL content, but from the NON-VERBAL cues .. you can only relate 10% to someone you are not with in-person. LDR’s DO create a sense of “pseudo-understanding” that can be very appealing, that we WANT to believe in .. but it is not about reality.

So most of long-distance ‘relationships’ are little more than a shared fantasy. We don’t even know for SURE if the person’s situation is what they claim it is .. let along having the opportunity to learn WHO they are BY observing them in person, as they relate to others, make decisions, and react to annoyances.

异地恋可能是我们生活中的亮点。特别是当我们对生活不感兴趣或者对生活不感兴趣的时候。它也能给我们一个更美好未来的梦想。在大流行封锁期间，当我们无法出去过充实的生活，当我们不知道明天会发生什么时，异地恋的人可以是给与信息的。

但在正常的生活条件下，它们是不可取的。

首先，它们不是真正的关系。因为我们所掌握和分享的90%都不是来自语言内容，而是来自非语言线索。你和没有和你在一起的人只能有10%的关系。异地恋确实创造了一种“伪理解”的感觉，这种感觉非常有吸引力，我们想要相信，但这与现实无关。

因此，大多数远距离“关系”只不过是一种共同的幻想。我们甚至不确定此人的情况是否与他们声称的一样。让我们有机会亲自观察他们，当他们与他人相处，做出决定，对烦恼做出反应时来了解他们是谁。

The drawbacks of an LDR are:

The more attached we become to the fantasy, the more we hate our REAL life and the more unhappy we become.

Since there is only 10% communication, most of what we think is going on is our own wishful thinking superimposed over reality.

Misunderstandings are difficult to fix, since there are none of the non-verbal cues to create a sense of reassurance.

And if we DO get together with them, our fantasy about them will carry us along for a while .. but as that starts to disintegrate, MOST LDR’S become very difficult and painful and end badly. Because the fantasy we have become so attached to cannot live up to the reality of who the other person actually IS.

Finally, many men are motivated to seek a relationship for the physical contact. They cannot get that from an LDR, and sooner or later some lady WHERE they live catches their eye and they drop the LDR.

异地恋的缺点是：

我们越是痴迷于幻想，就越讨厌现实生活，也就越不快乐。

由于只有10%的交流，我们认为正在发生的大部分是我们自己叠加在现实之上的一厢情愿的想法。

误解很难消除，因为没有任何非语言的线索来产生一种安慰的感觉。

如果我们真的和他们在一起，我们对他们的幻想会带我们走一段时间。但随着这一点开始瓦解，大多数异地恋变得非常困难和痛苦，结局很糟糕。因为我们过于依赖的幻想无法与另一个人的真实身份相匹配。

最后，许多男人寻求一段关系的动机是身体接触。他们无法从异地恋中获得这一点，迟早，居住在他们附近的某位女士会引起他们的注意，并放弃异地恋。

Venessa Lobo, Master of Pharmacy BITS Pilani, Hyderabad Campus, Birla Institute of Technology and Science, Pilani (2021)

Why is the long-distance relationship too difficult to handle?

Cause you can’t see that person physically in front you. You start missing the presence of that person.

Things like the way that person made you smile, sometimes cry, when you got really pissed, if you visit a place the two of you frequented you become nostalgic.

And it becomes even more difficult when you aren't going through the best of times and the person you rely on isn't next to you.

They are difficult to be in but not impossible ! All you need is a faithful and loving heart :)

That's why long distance relationships are hard.

为什么异地恋太难处理？

因为你看不到你面前的那个人。你开始想念那个人。

比如那个人让你微笑，有时让你哭泣，当你真的生气时，如果你去一个你们经常去的地方，你会变得怀旧。

当你没有度过最好的时光，而你所依赖的人又不在你身边时，这会变得更加困难。

他们很难有结果，但并非不可能！你所需要的只是一颗忠诚而充满爱的心。

这就是为什么异地恋很难。